I Am Dying To Live


In the past year, I believe an unfortunate reality has become very clear to me:

My resume does not reflect what I am actually good at.

I realized recently (not sure how recently anymore) that I have two talents, things that I honestly believe that I am good at: writing and public speaking.  From my resume however, you would have no way of knowing that, as I’ve never done a job where that was my primary function.

No, that’s not true.  Either statement.  First, I am kinda funny and / or charismatic (interesting at least), so I guess in a way that’s a talent.  And I did work as a traveling financial aid coach, giving presentations to students and other groups on various financial aid and financial management topics, so I have had a job where public speaking was a primary function (it also became one of my functions when I worked in college admissions so there’s that).  The advising position was seasonal, not permanent though, and giving presentations was secondary to my primary function in college admissions, so to write a resume that makes those central isn’t entirely accurate, I don’t think.  I did it, at the urging of my grad school’s career services department, but because those have never been my primary jobs, only secondary functions of those aforementioned positions, I don’t even know what job title to plug into a search engine when I look for work, and I’ve thus done a lot of things that I’m downright bad at to survive, so now I feel stuck.  I desperately want to get a job where I’m either writing or public speaking (or both) most, what I’m evaluated on, and what my job title describes.  And I have no idea what that is.

Worse, I don’t know how to find out.  For free, I mean.  I know of a service called “Career Tuners” that will help one with these things, but they charge $2000 a session.  Is what I want worth two grand?  Sure.  But since I’m not and haven’t done a job I’m good at as yet, I can’t even remember the last time I had two grand on me (also not true – I had it back in 2011 / 2012, when I was working), let alone two grand I could spend.  I’ve got no savings, live by temping, don’t qualify for unemployment due to a technicality, and am thus angry, unsatisfied, and unhappy most of the time.  And no matter how hard I wrack my much celebrated brain (he says ironically), I have no idea how to figure it out.  No, scratch that.  I might have another idea on how to find out, but that would cost me $1-200, and I don’t have it, etc.

So… I feel trapped.  And I think that unless I get really really lucky, that’s not going to change.  And in my opinion, that stinks.

That being the case, my goal for 2017 is to find a way to stop complaining about it like this, and find that answer.  If I’m as smart as people keep telling me I am, I will.  If I’m not?

I don’t know the answer to that either.


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