What She Taught Me

Whaddaya know? The Pickup Artists might actually be right about something, despite their wrong methods, motivations, and pretty much everything else.

I am still buzzing from that last conversation with Orsoff-Behrs.  I wish she’d been able to respond to my last text, but I’ve missed texts while I was in the shower too, so why should she be different?  Though she did respond to my email after the fact, I want to talk to her again, but at this point, it might be too much, and I don’t want to be “creepy.”  I can wait until the next time I see her at a Meetup or something.  Besides, she pretty much told me in that last conversation that I had no chance in a Romantic sense, with her.  The friendship is valuable, but now I’m thinking there may be more strings to the greater bow (WOW the alternatives to “more than one way to skin a cat” sound terrible to me).

I should go to a bar.

See, I learned two important lessons from my friend, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, and from my old life coach, which Orsoff-Behrs confirmed.  My friend taught me that women are often not listened – really listened – to.  This is where men get ideas like “all women are crazy” and “women make no sense,” IMO.  My life coach taught me that the pretty girl usually doesn’t get talked to, which removed my fear of talking to them and allowed me to talk to Orsoff-Behrs, but it wasn’t easy at first.  Every time I would see her at a Meetup, I would begin a conversation, but it would fizzle, because she wouldn’t give me much back.  When she texted me prior to the next Meetup to ask if I was going, however, I realized that I shouldn’t necessarily give up, and then when I spoke to her last week, I did something I’ve never done before.

I had a conversation where the other person did the majority of the talking, and I just listened.  And I have no idea how I did it.

I learned a ton about Orsoff-Behrs in that conversation  I learned that we have a lot of generic things in common, like both being from the same city.  I learned about her career and how it was going, and what her plans were to make it go better.  I also learned that we’re probably not a good match, because she described the last guy she dated but didn’t like, and I realized that she might as well have been talking about me.  That’s beside the point, though.  The point is, she’s a pretty girl, and she felt comfortable opening up to me.  The next day she emailed how much she enjoyed talking to me, and she’s responded to subsequent emails.  All because, it seems, I was willing to listen.

Now if I could only remember what I said!

That’s where the bars come in.  My old producing partner taught me that the time to go to a bar is 9:30pm, which was extremely helpful because the last time I tried to go, it was too late and there was no parking, so I ended up not getting in.  The next time I am feeling lonely on a Friday or Saturday night, I want to go to a bar, not to meet a potential Romantic partner, but to practice having conversations where I speak little and listen more.  Using my life coach’s advice, I want to start conversations with every pretty girl I see, because my gut instinct is that because pretty girls rarely get spoken to, they’re just plain not used to speaking, like Orsoff-Behrs.  I want to figure out what questions cause people to open up.  I think that once it’s clear to a girl that the other person is genuinely interested and willing to listen, not use her words as an excuse to turn the conversation to whatever he wants to talk about, they’re willing to talk.  Master this ability to have a conversation where I don’t do most of the talking, and more importantly, figure out what questions lead to that, and I think I have a decent chance at finding companionship.  The pretty girl is theoretically the most difficult to talk to; learn to talk to her, in my opinion, and you can talk to anybody.  I have to remember my sister’s rule, of course, of not commenting on a woman’s personal appearance unless I already have a relationship with her (in which case I should do it more), but again, being in a relationship is not my focus in a bar.  It’s learning to ask the right questions such that I can listen, and let that establish the rapport.

Whaddaya know?  The Pickup Artists’ preferred place to learn “game” might have some merit after all.

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