What I’ve Learned

My old life coach was big on taking stock of my progress, so if this is to be the final curtain, I’d like to take stock of the many things I’ve learned in the last year:

1 – I think I have to cut the “energy vampires,” as my old life coach called them, out of my life cold turkey.  That’s probably why she cut me, and why I cut out the native American guy.  As hard as it will be to cut out my best friend from college, I have to do it.

2 – I feel that the patriarchy is real and pervasive, and we really do have a rape culture in this society.  Part and parcel with that is the fact that women are rarely and truly ever listened to.

3 – That being the case, here is what I believe is my best approach to communicating with people, especially women, in order to find companionship: a) begin the conversation by commenting on the situation we’re both in. b) Listen listen listen to her response, and ask an open-ended question to continue the conversation. c) Listen listen listen to the response, and ask another open-ended question.  Continue this pattern until I feel enough rapport to ask for her number, and begin by texting.  GOAL: She should speak more than me, and ask me about myself.  That is the definition of success.

4 – I, and every woman I know, feel that I should not wear clothes that do not fit or are too old.  If I buy one new clothing item a week when I am working, this will happen.

5 – When I am emotionally agitated or upset, I should breathe, using the techniques my life coach taught me.

6 – I feel that I should always be a member of a Toastmasters club and a film-based Meetup group.  I feel that I have to go to multiple meetings until I become a regular and they are comfortable with me.  Once I find somebody I seem to be connecting with, I think I should invite him / her to do something outside of that group, like coffee or a meal.

7 – I feel that I need to see a cognitive behavioral therapist.  That is the style that matches my analytical, organized way of thinking.  No Gestalt; no LCSW’s.

8 – I feel that I should constantly be networking.

9 – I feel that I should endeavor to always say “I think” or “I feel,” avoiding stating opinions as though they are facts.

10 – I and my best friend in Southern California feel that I am a master comic book writer.  When writing screenplays however, all I get are scenes and dialogue – that’s it.  No internal mental processes, because you can’t shoot them.  I’ve realized that to me, a screenplay is just a road map for a director – it’s not an essay or work of literature.

11 – I and the girl I mentor think that I should always be a gentleman.  Pull out chairs; hold doors.  Let the girl pick where to sit, but when I am trying to set up a meeting, tell her where we should meet.   I should also never make a mess of my eating area.

12 – I like teaching and mentoring.

13 – I and my life coach feel that my writing style should match the format of a “simple essay,” which is the style I use when writing speeches.  I think the style that I used on the AP English exam should be reserved for legal writing.

14 – For me, the simplest way to budget is to allocate a fixed amount for the essentials – rent, recreation, food, and so on.  I feel that I should endeavor to never exceed these limits.

15 – I’ve realized that the reason I prefer rote routines is because my internal dialogue is so loud and pervasive, having to make simple decisions like what to eat or what to do becomes very difficult.

What I Still Need To Learn:

1 – When I make a networking meeting or set up a phone call, what should I say?  What is my goal in the conversation?

2 – How can I hard schedule networking, making it as routine as attending a Meetup or hanging out with friends?

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