I have made it a point of not posting anything during this latest illness. I’ve written stuff, and then not posted it because it was negative, and one thing I can honestly say since falling ill is that all of my thoughts are negative, significantly more negative than usual. The lousy weather doesn’t help.
As I start to feel better, I realize that I made the right decision. When I was much sicker than I am at this second, I felt like my life was over. Now I realize that this is just a setback, and with any luck, I will continue as normal, depending on how quickly I can recover.
The fact that I knew what to do, did it with relative ease, and didn’t have to pay for it is a testament to my intelligence. Yes, I was negative all along the way. Yes, I didn’t feel so hot doing it, in every way, both emotionally and physically. And no, I am not out of it, and according to doctors, may not be for two weeks yet. The thing is, I behaved rationally, and now that I am feeling slightly better, I have hope again, and wanted to take a second to compliment myself on that. Once this ends, I call the agency and get a new gig with the knowledge that I can pay the rent here with one week’s wages, which they pay weekly. The money I made for the days I worked this week should keep me afloat, since my appetite is crap, and the soup I get from my family should help me recover. I am far from finished. This is just a setback, in the truest sense.
It’s not going to be easy, and I am dying for somebody to talk to, although let’s face it, I am not entirely physically capable of doing so. This situation, however, has reiterated two things: 1) that if there is one thing I know how to do better than most, it’s be sick and deal with it, and 2) you cannot overreact to any single emotion, especially those that come about while you’re sick (which unfortunately, for me, has been a lot of the time.) Because I have been able to think rationally and keep these two ideas in mind, so far, so good.
I do not know how long this will take, but I have some help, and Inshallah, will survive. I just need to continue like this, as best I can.
Time to watch another episode of “Last Man On Earth.”